Ginger's Tripaw Journey

I had been fairly content in decision up until last night when 3 hour chat with vet friend in another country shook my faith a great deal but in the end the surgery went on as scheduled.  While I loved the suggestions of trying to save a leg from afar, I had not been receiving much encouragement in that strain here and being in the 11th hour I tearfully proceeded with taking her to vet as planned.  I had stopped and talked to another vet, and emailed pictures to another orthopedic surgeon who also said surgery might work, but probably best to proceed with amputation so had felt I was making right choice until that chat session.

I was wrong however in my prediction yesterday that I wouldn’t start crying until dropping her off at vet.  I had curled up to sleep with her all night, woke up at 5 a.m, and snuggled with her until 6.. and then till almost 7.  Couldn’t manage to take a selfie of both of us, not that I’m a big selfie person anyway but sat back and snapped a picture of her as she slept for most of night spooned up against me, probably not the clearest picture but closest I can come to illustrating the absolute delight of sleeping snuggled up against my baby and stroking her fur as she just soaked it up in a half sleep.  One perk for her she is being spoiled rotten.

So contrary to my prediction that I would be ok until leaving the vet, I woke up, stroked her head, and started sniffling.  I start getting my car ready to load her up, and kept sniffling.  The friend who helped me with her calls to check in on us, I can barely speak as sniffling graduates to urge for full out sobbing as I simply try to talk.  Load her in car, drive to vet, alternately sniffling, doubting self and trying to reassure her as much as myself.

This is truly an emotional experience, mainly for the human but even though I kept reciting “be like the dog” it didn’t kick in as well while I was going through the motions of getting her to vet and still having the rhetoric of “what else can you do” looping in my head.

Here she is loaded in the car, her last 4 leg picture.  Seeing her sitting there so trusting again triggered those compulsions of wait, where else can I take her, we can’t do this.  But again logic intervened.

So got to vet office, helped her in, sat and sniffled, vet tech arrived, composed self briefly, told them of conversation night before.  They were very professional, reassuring, I still felt like dirt but went through the motions.  Broke down again giving the dog goodbye, said silent prayer she would make it safely through surgery as I just waved at staff unable to speak as I cried my way to the car.  And again it strikes me how unprepared I was for this event.

I’m usually on a pretty even keel, even now had those intermittent rational thoughts attempting to break in like “it’s a dog, and a leg, you aren’t having her put to sleep, best choice for leg or not she’ll still be happy and healthy, look at all the real world human suffering around you and snap it into perspective.”  Then thought yeah, we’ll be rational later when she’s home safe. *sniffle.*  In a way I feel silly for being so torn up about it, but on the other I remind myself that there is nothing wrong with a little falling apart before pulling it all back together which will be so much easier when I bring her home and we work on the adjusting.  Also had a round of self loathing as I texted my friend about what a horrible human being and petowner I was for not getting the collar fixed sooner, and not taking more time to exhaust the treatment options.  Again I know this isn’t entirely rational, just chronicling the process for memory preservation as well as possible reassurance that this is part of the trip, assuming it’s not unique just to me.

So now going to distract myself by switching from the research into leg treatment options to retail therapy as I research tripaw supply options and get that orthopedic bed picked out along with a couple other necessities.  Looking forward to getting to know our tripawd site pals better as Ginger and I continue our journey.  Now trying to stay optimistic and wait for that “Ginger did great with her surgery” call from the vet, refuse to entertain the idea right now that it will be anything else.  :).

A little nauseous while waiting for the call, not sure if it’s nerves, too much chocolate therapy or probably some of both, will shoot out one more update on this post when I get the news that surgery went ok.

Afternoon update that vet called, Ginger did very well and is now officially tripawd.  Still a little sad but no more worrying about the decision.

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